How Confusingly bad can it get.....

[avi-addict]

STOEP TALK by James Clarke.

The American Congress spent a great deal of time last year looking into the Bernard Madoff scandal.

?That was really neat,? says an American reader. ?The guy who made $50 billion (R390bn) disappear is being investigated by the people who made $3 trillion disappear.?

The American economic scene is leading to a lot of black humour. The situation is said to be so bad that CEO?s are now playing miniature golf and young women are marrying for love. The stocks of the company that makes miniature Matchbox cars are trading higher than General Motors.
And I am told Obama met some more small businesses last month to discuss the Simulus Package ? GE, Pfeizer and Citi- group. The Mafia is having to lay off judges and McDonalds in now promoting the ?Mini Mac?.
A truckload of people was stopped in Mexico after it was found filled with Americans who?d sneaked over the border.
Fund-raising has begun in parts of Africa to donate money to the US.
Chinese kids are being exhorted by their mums to finish their plates because little kids in America are hungry.
But it is an ill wind that blows no good. Many parents in Beverly Hills have had to fire their nannies and, as a result, have had to learn their children?s names.

BANKS IN TROUBLE AGAIN

Erik Eilerstsen tells me of a woman who died and months later her bank billed her for service charges on her credit card. The bank added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been nil but was now R60.
A family member phoned the bank:

Caller: ??.but she died in January.?
Bank: ?The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.?
Caller: ?Maybe you should turn it over to collections.?
Bank:?It already has been?
Caller: ?So, what when they find out she?s dead??
Bank: ?We?ll report her account to the frauds division or to the credit bureau?maybe both.?
Caller: ?Did you get what I was telling you?the part about her being dead.??
Bank: ?Sir, you?ll have to speak to my supervisor.
Caller to supervisor: ?I?m calling to tell you she died in January.?
Bank: ?The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.?
Caller: ? You mean you want to collect from her estate.??
Bank: ?Are you her lawyer??
Caller: ?No, I?m her great nephew.? (Gives lawyer reference.)
Bank: ?Could you fax us a certificate of death??
Caller: ?Sure?
Later?.
Bank: ?Our system just isn?t set up for death. I don?t know what more I can do to help.?
Caller: ?Well, if you work it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don?t think she?ll care.?
Bank: Well, the late fees and charges do still apply.?
Caller: ?Would you like her new billing address??
Bank: ?That might help.?
Caller gives address of cemetery and adds?Plot 1049.
Bank: ?Sir, that?s a cemetery!?
Caller: ?Well, what do you do with dead people on YOUR planet??

THE SURVEY THAT FAILED.

A reader, Ann Patras, tells me a world-wide one-question survey was conducted by the UN:

Please give your honest opinion regarding solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world.?

The survey failed because:

? In Eastern Europe they didn?t know what ?honest? meant.
? In Western Europe they didn?t know what ?shortage? meant.
? In Africa they didn?t know what ?food? meant.
? In Chine they didn?t know what ?opinion? meant.
? In the Middle East they didn?t know what ?solution? meant.
? In South America they didn?t know what ?please? meant.
? In the Us they didn?t know what ?the rest of the world? meant.